Cutting Back On Christmas Stuff After 60

By Guest Author Cheryl Anne Stapp

This year I’m really going to do it: clean out all the Christmas clutter that’s accumulated since my marriage twelve years ago.  Our first house together was small, with just enough room for a two-foot tree atop a plant stand, a miniature crèche on the mantle, and a wedding-gift crystal bowl filled with bright scarlet balls.  Then we bought a bigger house, with plenty of room for a five-foot tree that required many more ornaments, not to mention the purchase of side tables that practically invited holiday whatnots to sit on their glass tops.

Today the stored boxes of Christmas paraphernalia take up two six-by-seven foot cabinets in the garage, not counting the space for the artificial tree.

True, each of us had a few ornaments from our single years—insufficient, in the eyes of someone (me), who prefers a Victorian-style Christmas tree to the Minimalist Look.  After placing the gossamer-winged, little-girl painted angels (his), the Cheshire Cat and White Rabbit set (mine), our combined assorted baubles, and ten just purchased, adorable tiny drums, the outer branches were still pretty bare, so I bought a dozen six-inch silk poinsettias in red and cream to slide into larger areas.  Ceramic angels and bisque Santas (his) smiled from the side shelves of our oak entertainment center; my red velvet-robed Santa figure (and two more I couldn’t resist at crafts stores) surveyed the room from its top.  Unfortunately, the five-foot tree’s lights failed toward the end of that holiday, so during the after Christmas sales we upgraded to one that is seven feet tall.

This must have been when my obsession with acquiring yet more Christmas stuff took hold—in the full knowledge that there would be two more feet of tree to trim the following year and for the foreseeable future thereafter.  I no longer remember exactly when each piece of an expanding collection snuck into the house; only that at some point I became besotted with that Twelve Days of Christmas song.  I was thrilled to learn that each verse has inspired the manufacture of iconic holiday décor, available in all sorts of retail outlets, if only one keeps a sharp eye out: partridges, pears, drummer boys, golden rings, song birds, and the like, although admittedly maids-a-milking are hard to come by.

On one Sunday drive into the foothills, I scored four wooden partridges balanced on carved yellow pears—tree ornaments—from a going-out-of business bed and breakfast.  Another year I hummed all the way home after snagging a magnificent, two-foot high tin drummer boy (on sale!) enameled in vibrant reds, cobalt blues, and creams edged in gilt, to stand on a side table.  Trips to a local craft emporium yielded a whole matched set, and some extras, of feathery-tailed song birds to clamp on tree branches.  Somewhere along the line, blown-glass angels, delightful Santa tree hangings in a multitude of artistic styles, and balloon-shaped, beribboned and bejeweled tree trimmings all found their way into my shopping cart.  The pair of spectacle-wearing Santa and Mrs. Claus Christmas stockings for the mantel seemed, at the time, the ideal fit, even if I did have to purchase separate heavy, hooked holders to hang them from.  As to when I acquired those three tall nutcracker statuettes or the multiple boxes of ordinary tree-balls for “fill-in,” my mind is a blank.

My bridegroom contributed, too.  Over the years he brought home a darling set of box-displayed Twelve Days wooden figurines, a beautiful porcelain salt-and-pepper-shaker bunny duo bedecked with tiny wreaths, and two magical plug-in tree ornaments that move, light up, and make noise when the tree lights are turned on.  We smile every year to unwrap Hallmark’s tiny cream-colored cat with moveable legs and the little Mickey Mouse for the tree’s upper branches.  We’re also proud of the two sets of exquisite porcelain reindeer we display from December through January.

But it’s all gotten to be too much.  The lights on that seven-foot tree have given us grief for at least two years now, and we’re determined to downgrade to something smaller, come this year’s sales.  There’s just the two of us, and after all we’re both over sixty—who needs all this strictly seasonal stuff that’s such a headache to disassemble and pack away each year?  It’s going, I swear.

Well…most of it, anyway.  Actually, the pricey Fitz & Floyd salt-and-pepper-shaker bunnies and the elegant Fitz & Floyd reindeer sets aren’t just holiday décor—they’re loving gifts to a wife from her husband to be treasured, aren’t they?  Would the Drummer Boy be happy to find himself on a Goodwill shelf?  I do believe it’s time for the Santa and Mrs. Claus Christmas stockings to find a new home, seeing as how we always feel obligated to stuff them with little Christmas morning surprises and we’re really too old for that now, aren’t we?

Okay, piles of extraneous stuff are leaving my house…but not, I think, the good-sized, Swedish made, Nativity scene I bought four years back or the enameled drummer boy or those carved partridges.  The rest, though, especially the mass-produced tree ornaments and the battery-operated singing snowmen, are toast—if not before December 2012, then sometime in 2013 for sure.

* * * * *

AUTHOR INFO:

A native of Sacramento, California, Cheryl Anne Stapp returned “home” in 2000 when she married a former high school friend.  Before that she had lived in Los Angeles for many years, where she was a contributing editor to Working World magazine.  She graduated from California State University, Northridge.

Website:  California’s Olden Golden Days
Facebook:  Cheryl Stapp

BOOK INFO:

Disaster and Triumph:  Sacramento Women, Gold Rush Through the Civil War by Cheryl Anne Stapp is a thoroughly engaging history of chaotic times, told from the viewpoint of pioneer women who survived major fires, devastating floods, and other disasters, while lending their talents and energies to the development of California’s enduring capital city.

Available on Amazon in paperback and Kindle edition.

Dating After Sixty: My second time around

by Guest Author Johanna van Zanten

 I have used matchmaking sites on the Internet off and on for a number of years and have had several good dates.  I started a relationship with a new partner from those sites twice.  The first one lasted 4 ½ years, during which we broke up once and had a half year hiatus from the relationship.  The second one lasted a few months.  This post is about my experiences, but rather than sharing the problems I had, I will look at the positive side of things and project the ideal date, from my point of view.  Anybody with other ideas can jump in and comment; it might make for a fun and interesting discussion.

This man is very likely over 60, as I am, and I already would have screened out anybody below the age of 55-ish, although I do peek at those over 50 who contact me on my online website.  Anybody that I would want to meet would look quite trim, has looked after himself and works out regularly to stay healthy and fit, and enjoys some forms of physical recreation—walking, golfing, skiing, and what have you.  He has a reasonable standard of living, at least as far as one can determine that in the early stages of dating.  This man would contact me with an email and not just by sending me a noncommittal “wink” (which I believe can be extended for free).  In this age group, it’s wiser to leave the initiative to the man, although I have occasionally taken the initiative, but never with positive results.

He makes some positive remarks on my profile, photos, or activities and is quite articulate in his writing.  He has actually read my profile and compared the details on my site with what he likes, and these are overlapping at least on a few areas.  He is educated, independent, and not looking to replace a lost partner with a similar person.  He can take a compliment, as well.  He is interested in finding out what kind of a personality I have and accepts me for who I am.  He takes no offense at our differences, but instead enjoys uniqueness in each person.  He is relaxed and tolerant, regardless of his political colors.

He would like to meet soon and is not interested in endless correspondence.  This means that he is not afraid to travel if he lives some distance away.  In time, I would also take my share of the travel, if we hit it off and mutually agree to continue a relationship.  No, he doesn’t expect me to move in after the first date to take over his housekeeping duties.  This man wants to develop a friendship first and get to know each other, but not too long thereafter, possibly by the third date—that old standard—we will have sex.  Why waste time?

Younger people might laugh and think:  Duh!  But unencumbered sex between older people is not a given, might even be a feat, something which is clear to anybody who has survived that many years and experienced trouble with hormonal, metabolic, or circulatory functioning that shows up as erectile dysfunction or as pain with intercourse.  Of course, the benefits of Cialis and the little blue pill, Viagra, are advertised widely enough, and women can resort to Vagifem, but those solutions are not in every case suitable or addressing the problems.  

Surgery for prostate problems might end up in permanent ED and essential meds can cause it as well.  So let’s assume that no other problem exists with his health that is chronic or permanent or worse, terminal.  So far, so good.  He smells nice, is healthy, has great personal hygiene and dresses well, has healthy, nice teeth and not to forget, changes his clothes at least daily.

I don’t think many people will admit up front to having any of the above problems.  I wish they did, as it might prevent awkward and painful situations and lousy dates.

Imagine we passed the third date with success.  That would have been a date where we spent more time together, possibly on a short trip.  He needs to do the driving, but can also relax and let me do some of the driving (or whatever needs to be done).  He is not a workaholic!  He likes hot weather and is adaptable, is open to exploring foreign and exotic foods and different cultures with an open mind.

This man can freely talk about the ending of his past marriage but not too much or too often—I really do not need to know what he thought, felt, or did with her every time we do something together.  He can listen to my story without fear that I would become clingy or dependent on him for all my needs, without me needing a commitment from him or needing to commit myself.  He can stop me when I ramble or take off on a pet peeve (I will, at times), and he is open to stating his own fears, hesitations, and wishes.  No, I don’t need a girlfriend to discuss and analyze everything in a relationship—I have those already and will keep them, too—but want a man who can admit to his faults and express some basic thoughts/feelings.

Eventually, we would meet his friends and my friends and do the social interaction thing as a couple in groups.  He would introduce me to his friends and not hide me, and not ignore me completely while he is entertaining his friends, nor would he cling to me every minute of the event.  He spends time on his own and I do too, plenty of it, actually.  He enjoys music and we enjoy some concerts together.  We would feel comfortable doing some socials together and doing some of our activities on our own.  His children would accept me for whom I am and I would his.

If we get past these stages in good shape and still like each other, we might start talking about living together at some point.  I am completely unsure about that stage and have not yet gotten to that point after my divorce more than a decade ago.  The glitches can be many, and boy, oh boy, you need to forget all those to still want to continue in the dating game after 60.  Yet, I, as well as millions of other 60-plus women and men, am out there looking for a partner to share my senior years.  Still crazy after all those years, I guess….

Book Info:   

On Thin Ice: short stories of life and dating after 50 by Johanna van Zanten is a novel-in-stories about the adventures of boomer Adrienne—her life, her relationships, and the chances she took.  Her journey in this book spans both time and distance, from her 20’s to her 50’s, from Europe to Western Canada.

For more info, check the novel’s website: http://babyboomerwrites.com/.

This is Johanna’s debut novel and was published earlier this year as an ebook.  Her next novel is scheduled for publication in March 2013 with the title Losing Dad, Finding Dad.

Author Info:

Johanna van Zanten grew up in the Netherlands and came of age in the late sixties.  She graduated from the Rietveld Academy for applied arts in Amsterdam, after which she worked in a therapeutic group home for drug addicts.  She immigrated to Canada where she also obtained a Bachelor’s degree in social work.  Since then, she has worked in child protection.  

She discovered her passion for creative writing three years ago when she completed intensive summer courses with authors Laisha Rosnau at UBC-Okanagan and Dona Sturmanis at Okanagan College.  Johanna’s stories have been published in online and printed magazines.  She received an honorary mention in the Glimmer Train contest for new authors, and one of her stories was short-listed in the short story contest in 2011 with CBC/UBCO/OC. 

Johanna has a blog where she writes about what interests and moves her in the world. http://www.babyboomerwrites.wordpress.com.

Where’s the Justice…In Dogma or Karma?

by Guest Author Jacqueline Gum

I’m going to assume that at least some of you have seen the bumper sticker “My Karma Ran Over My Dogma.”  I saw one the other day and my inner voice bellowed, “I don’t get it!”

Again, that annoying voice, summoning another call to action: Research, figure it out, allow opposite views, distill, refine, and finally define.  One of these days, I’ll learn to ignore that voice and embrace the adage, “Ignorance is bliss.”  Is there peace in a pasture of ignorance?  I think I’d sleep better.

So I read a bunch of stuff about both.  Dogma is most commonly associated with a set of beliefs that are predominantly religious.  Most Western faith based religions believe that faith in Jesus Christ will absolve them of the consequences of sin.  But dogmatic teaching not tempered with wisdom can misguide a person to ignore real life experiences, including any social structure.  There is a “you reap what you sow” component, and you could end up burning in hell for the really bad stuff, but in the end… it’s all good.  You’ll be forgiven.

Eastern philosophy suggests that each person is responsible for their own actions, and that one accumulates good or bad karma according to their own desires and actions.  Payback can happen in this lifetime or the next, but the point is to evolve, knowing that if you don’t, some version of bad will get you.

“My karma ran over my dogma” could suggest that the eastern philosophy is superior, so much so that it “runs over” the philosophy of dogma.  Then again, maybe the person sporting this bumper sticker just abandoned the Catholic church and became a Buddhist.  Or maybe (and most likely), the “It’s okay, I’ll be forgiven” attitude got run over by a little karmic payback…?

So my inner voice, always seeking balance and justice started stuttering.  Wh-wh-wh-what?  Is karma giving dogma the middle finger?  As in, “Do good now, jerk, or else.”  Get yourself to the point where there is no need to ask for forgiveness.

A dogmatic Christian might argue that there is no man without sin, and that’s plain.  I’ve sinned…this I know.  Somewhere along the line I was taught to believe that I’d meet my maker.  But somehow I also surmised that I don’t want to have to make an inordinate number of apologies on that day.  So I tried to atone for those sins.

But as I got older and explored more spiritual doctrines, I also came to believe that it’s incumbent upon us to evolve into better beings… to learn the hard lessons and apply them every day.  It feels comfortable to believe that there is some reward at the end.

In pondering all this, my twisted mind conjured a vision. I was talking to a big ball of light trying to justify my screw-ups and a big booming voice interrupted.  “Uh no…there’s no big platter of forgiveness here.  You were supposed to be good and do good back on earth.  No, no, no… instead of forgiveness we offer evolution, depending on how much you learned and applied.  You had a shot!  You could have gone back as a wise, judicious leader of all people, but you blew it because you assumed you’d be forgiven.  In the end, yours was a selfish life so you have to go back and really learn the lessons this time.  That’s the GOOD news.  The BAD news is that I’m sending you back as an amoeba ‘cuz you got a whole lot of evolving to do.”  Hmmm…..

I jumped the line and ran through a force field.  I found myself standing on a cloud, talking to a cool looking guy dressed in a robe and sandals.  After hearing my story, he said, “Just a little time in the fire, pretty lady.  No worries, I’ll have you back up here soon.”  Hmmm….

Both seem valid and I see justice in either.  In the end I found this quote from Gandhi and decided that it made the most sense to me:

“If we only had a handful of words to speak in one lifetime, we’d be far more judicious in how we used them.  Carefully watch your thoughts, for they become your words.  Manage and watch your words, for they become your actions.  Consider and judge your actions, for they have become your habits.  Acknowledge and watch your habits, for they become your values.  Understand and embrace your values, for they become your destiny.”

For a little guy, he sure had a lot of big ideas.

AUTHOR INFO: 

Midwestern-raised Jacqueline Gum is the author of Confessions of a Corporate Slut, a novel about a woman who successfully navigates a male-dominated corporate world.  Jacqueline’s familiarity with this type of corporate world and the challenges a woman faces in it stem from her own business successes in a male-dominated industry.  She also blogs regularly on her website at http://www.jacquelinegum.com/blog about all types of everyday injustices we all suffer and asks the question, “Where’s the Justice?”

Her second novel, The Accuser’s Burden, is about a successful career woman grappling with questions of loyalty, love, corporate intrigue, and social justice when her husband commits an unspeakable crime against her best friend and mentor.  It has been short listed for the William Faulkner Words & Wisdom 2012 Competition in the novel category, and she is currently seeking representation for it.  (Read Chapter 1)  In the meantime, she continues to actively write, working on her third novel, The Flame Dame Chronicles.

Connect with her on:

• Facebook
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• Linked In 

BOOK INFO:

Confessions of a Corporate Slut is the wry retelling of the tale of a corporate wife—YES, it is a career.  The title is metaphorical…tongue in cheek for smart women who give away their intellectual property for free…to benefit a spouse.  Its publication preceded the very public stories of Silva Spitzer, Elizabeth Edwards, et. al. Midwestern Review gave it a 5 star rating.

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